I believe that "healing from trauma" is about regaining access to those parts of you that shut down in order to cope, and/or the things that trauma took away from you. Sometimes the reclaiming doesn't work for you, but it's still important to try. What are the things that your trauma(s) took from you? Are you perhaps unconsciously already reclaiming them? If not, what are small things that you could reclaim?
I learned so many things at her bedside that inform my work as a healer. It was at her bedside that I learned how to set a sacred container that engages all the senses no matter whether or not all the senses are perceptible to observers. It was at her bedside that I learned how much loving touch can communicate, absent of words. It was at her bedside that I learned how to be present with intention & love while knowing I was essentially powerless to affect the outcome.
In situations of peril, the body has one goal: survive. Whatever the decision your body made, it was an informed decision. Whatever ultimately happened, whether your rapist was foiled or succeeded in their attempt to rape you; your body was still doing it's job the best way it knew how with all the tools it had at its disposal.
Trauma is what happens to a body & mind that survives. Trauma changes us, literally changes our brains: a brain that went through a traumatic incident works differently than a brain that has not. And trauma changes our body in many ways. Whether there are visible scars or not, there are places on our body that hold memories/images/flashbacks/pieces/feelings of the event(s) that changed us.
But still, the truth hidden in my body was that I started fucking men again not because I authentically desired them, but in some kind of unconscious wish to please my dead mother. And my body carried a lot of sadness about it.
De-centering the race/ethnicity & sexual preference/orientation of the victims is a form of erasure. Ignoring that queer & trans POC are more likely to be victims of violence allows that violence to continue.
The power that comes from recognizing how your healing journey mirrors the healing journey of your clients & how those healing journeys affect each other. And why you need to be clear on what healing you're receiving from the healing work you're offering in the world.
People often confuse "story" with "fiction" & in some contexts that is a completely valid equation. But when we're talking about stories of the body, that equation doesn't hold up so well. "Story" is the body's documentation of an event & how it makes sense of that event.
As a Queer Black Woman, I understand those difficulties. More importantly, I understand those difficulties somatically. It is not a theoretical understanding, not something I've read about or studied. It's a lived understanding: I feel those difficulties in my gut, they exist in my body with every step I take in the world.
Marginalized people bear a disproportionate amount of risk in the fight for social justice, so if you really want to have our backs, if you really wanna be part of the solution, you need to take on some of that risk. If you can't/won't/don't, then IMNSHO you are not actually "allied folk".
How does our work change when we acknowledge that our desire for a just world comes from the same place as the desire we have for our romantic partners? How do our organizing relationships change when we treat each other with the gentleness & care we give to those we desire?
Our lovers are witnesses to our deep vulnerability. Our lovers cherish us & want the best for us always & often put our needs before their own. Our lovers nurture us, provide a welcoming sanctuary from the often harsh world outside, & encourage us when we're stuck.
I see all of you as sacred. I believe that your erotic power is a fuel, a resource, an oracle; and I want you to have full access to that power. I believe that your body when integrated with your spirit, your mind, your emotions and your sexuality is the best guide you can ever have. I want you to be able to hear that guide when It speaks to you.
I see erotic healing as re/education in acknowledging & celebrating the flesh—all of the body—as sacred. We are spiritual beings, manifestations of Divine energy. The body and what it can do is a blessed miracle and something to be celebrated. We were given the ability to feel pleasure by whatever set of deities we believe gave us life, and that makes our ability to feel pleasure something to be cherished.
I define the sensual as stimulation which is pleasing to one or more of the five senses, and sexual as stimulation which is pleasing to the genitals. The erotic is stimulation which is pleasing to the soul.
Ecstasy seems to point to a location outside of the body as the site for this heightened feeling, this joy, this bliss. Enstasy, on the other hand, firmly locates this site of joy as located within the body. So one could say that "Enstatic Body" is somewhat redundant (I prefer to think of it as emphasis. :) )
As a kick off to the 72hr replay of the Queer Body Love Series 2017, Elizabeth & I chat about pleasure, joy and self-care for/during the resistance. (the video accidentally ended early, so here's last little ending clip)